Adulting - Shaking off the mold

 All the social media posts and stories about adulting have zeroed in on one aspect of it - the self deprecating funny one saying how being an adult isn't what we thought , it is more work and responsibility than we signed up for, but I think we all are straight up lying to ourselves. We all have seen our previous generation slog it out under worst circumstances. The aspect that is a lot less talked about is breaking free from the conditioning that we were subjected to all our childhood.

There is a familiar comfort in the rituals and rules from our past. They connect us to our culture, our fondest memories, parents, siblings and everything that makes us who we are. But who we are is not constant, at least not all of it. To grow, we need to evolve and shake off our wings, fly to oblivion,....you get it. This is the part where we face the most struggle - from our own selves and the people close to us. How are we supposed to leave it all behind? That makes me feel lonely sometimes, the fact that I have outgrown people and conversations from past. I do not love them any less, but it has ebbed and flowed, ran its course, there is no further stage it has to move to. Like a terminal cancer, those relationships and environments have run their course. They have, putting it bluntly, died.

Accepting that is a relief. This relief is also not talked about. No one tells you that it is okay to become your own person, and that is why so many people end up becoming the parent that they hated, giving rise to generations with major mommy and daddy issues. To become your own person, you need to allow  yourself the dignity and time to unlearn. I think this process is frowned upon because most of us associate it with abandonment. Ironically, true abandonment happens when a person is absolutely done being what others want them to be.

Growing up and being self aware is one of the first things you need to establish in order to live a life that you are happy about. Yes, there are small steps, like eating healthy, taking care of and loving your body, taking out time to pursue your hobbies, find a way to chase your dreams, but how do you ever do that if all you do is loose yourself in the haze of social media, binge watching series, and surrounding yourself with so much noise that you have forgotten to listen to what you are what you want. Growing up means letting go of the need to cling to your parents and try facing things on your own, making conscious and good decisions too along with bad ones, but to make sure you don't go off the rails. Being your own person and having ideas that are unique to you are so important. All I see around me are people who are trying to be somebody else, or preaching on social media about being authentic while dancing on some trend. What an absolute mess.

Try to see your parents as human beings who are doing what they think is best for them and you. They will want you to stay close, do things by their choice, that might not be in your best interest, and that is okay. Give them room to be humans before you put them up on a pedestal. It is okay to want to move away, absolutely okay to stay close. Whatsoever is the case, make sure you know what you are doing. This entire article might seem like a rant, but trust me, my therapist was super appreciative of the fact that I was self aware. That opens doors for you. It heals you, makes you take decisions that will be good for you. The shaking off the mold that was set for you by people around you is crucial for you to breathe. By the time you realize how much of you is in control of the world, you will suffocate.

Some steps to do this self aware thing -

• Write. Write journals, planners, goals, affirmations. If you don't have an answer for these, it is okay. Just try writing about your day. Try to do so without blogging about it, or making a reel out of it. Do it for you. The rest will come.
• Spend some time with yourself minus people. Go to the store on your own without listening to music or anything. Look at people and traffic and the problems that exist, or the vibe around you. Be there in the moment. Do so without making a post about it on social media. It is for you. Some things should be for you.
• Most of who you are will come when you are financially independent. Do not crib about your 9 to 5 jobs. Everyone needs balance. Think of it as money for petrol, and the actual petrol/fuel which are your hobbies and dreams as sustenance. It isn't boring to work and build your life piece by piece. It is called being a n adult. Try doing it sometimes.
• Be honest with yourself. It is perfectly fine being wrong about something. When someone points out a mistake, try and see it from their perspective. Most of self awareness comes when you look at situation and conflicts from other's perspective. Accepting that you are wrong won't make you a wimp. It will give you space to correct your mistakes and become better.
• Look for growth every single time, in everything -  your job, passion, relationships. If it is not growing and making you feel good, there is no point of doing it.
• Find a therapist that suits your needs and never hesitate to go back to them if you ever feel like you need to talk. A therapist will give you the real talk, without any filters. You will feel much better.

There were more stuff, but I forgot those. Essentially, know thyself. You are gonna be spending decades with yourself.