Remember this Anger
This hot,red, searing surge of blood that you feel coursing through you, that makes you want to crush everything and everyone who makes you feel anything less than what you are , every ounce of effort made to mold you into the way they want, to crush you spirit - remember it. This is real. This is not some lame figment of your imagination or a creation of your insecurities. This is as real as the hidden lambastes that show up when you make a comment on something and give your advice based on your experiences, which are utterly baffling and completely bullshit, because it was yours.
This is not just family. This is every other person in this world.Their hypocrisies, contradictions, and absolute rigidness in their determination to make you follow every rule they have laid down and worship it with reverence.Do not forget this feeling.I know what comes next, after this burning anger - guilt. I know you.You will feel guilty for feeling angry , because that is how childlike your soul still is.You feel this incurable need to always do right by people, even when they don't, so you will bend and buckle and become a cattle to them eventually, that they can herd.breed,feed, and put on display for others to see as a shining example of how people are supposed to be, and all the while you will regret not fighting hard enough for your essence.You could have been a furious lion, a roar in this wilderness, a reminder to everyone , a sting in everyone's eye,that there was this girl,who fell down too much , but shone brighter than all our suns.
I don't deny carrying any flaw.I accept most of them, but I cannot fathom the joy that people get when they put everything that I am inside different cages, so that I am lost, trying to find parts of me to make myself whole.As soon as I break one of them and finally find a part of myself, I feel even more fractured.Somehow, when I was all caged up, I didn't have any idea of how being myself felt, and when I finally a part of me was restored, realization dawned on me on how much exactly I was missing.
All these years have been a breeze,honestly.They might not realize it, but I was everyone's dream association - perfect daughter,sister,friend,lover. The road ahead is all but rebellion. There seems to be no other way.How you are feeling now is just a small glimpse into how it will feel when you have to fight for a basic identity establishment process.So I ask you to remember this anger.Anger, in most literature and references has been criticized and looked at as something that is supposed to taint a person's personality,but that is not the only facet to what actually anger is.It can be a drive to achieve something, or a surge of vengeance to rise above someone.Anger can be almost transforming, if you know where to channel it.
So do not forget.Don't forget how they always belittle you and your opinions, how you are still not mature enough to make your own decisions.Maybe you truly aren't as good as you originally believed, but you'll be damned before this realization makes you into a meek nobody plainly existing without any flare.
This is not just family. This is every other person in this world.Their hypocrisies, contradictions, and absolute rigidness in their determination to make you follow every rule they have laid down and worship it with reverence.Do not forget this feeling.I know what comes next, after this burning anger - guilt. I know you.You will feel guilty for feeling angry , because that is how childlike your soul still is.You feel this incurable need to always do right by people, even when they don't, so you will bend and buckle and become a cattle to them eventually, that they can herd.breed,feed, and put on display for others to see as a shining example of how people are supposed to be, and all the while you will regret not fighting hard enough for your essence.You could have been a furious lion, a roar in this wilderness, a reminder to everyone , a sting in everyone's eye,that there was this girl,who fell down too much , but shone brighter than all our suns.
I don't deny carrying any flaw.I accept most of them, but I cannot fathom the joy that people get when they put everything that I am inside different cages, so that I am lost, trying to find parts of me to make myself whole.As soon as I break one of them and finally find a part of myself, I feel even more fractured.Somehow, when I was all caged up, I didn't have any idea of how being myself felt, and when I finally a part of me was restored, realization dawned on me on how much exactly I was missing.
All these years have been a breeze,honestly.They might not realize it, but I was everyone's dream association - perfect daughter,sister,friend,lover. The road ahead is all but rebellion. There seems to be no other way.How you are feeling now is just a small glimpse into how it will feel when you have to fight for a basic identity establishment process.So I ask you to remember this anger.Anger, in most literature and references has been criticized and looked at as something that is supposed to taint a person's personality,but that is not the only facet to what actually anger is.It can be a drive to achieve something, or a surge of vengeance to rise above someone.Anger can be almost transforming, if you know where to channel it.
So do not forget.Don't forget how they always belittle you and your opinions, how you are still not mature enough to make your own decisions.Maybe you truly aren't as good as you originally believed, but you'll be damned before this realization makes you into a meek nobody plainly existing without any flare.
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